what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
