My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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