I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
