I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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