i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
