i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
