Someone shit on the floor
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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