Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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