Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
