You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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