You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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