Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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