stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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