Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
