alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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