Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
