I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
