I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
