I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
