I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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