Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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