Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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