Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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