How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
