I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
