don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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