I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i will never coherently bang her
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
