Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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