If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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