he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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