I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
