Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
