Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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