Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
