I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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