I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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