He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
