Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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