He had one of those small greek statue penises
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
