eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
