Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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