Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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