Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
