I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
