At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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