you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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