Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
