I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
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I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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