Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
