**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
