Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
