I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
