Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
