Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
