Where did you get a picture of my penis
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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