it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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