All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
