I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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