it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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