I met the friendliest cop last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
