hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
