Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
