I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize