I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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