I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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