She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
