How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
