his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
