My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
